My week of neck salvage

(Note: This post will be of zero interest to men. Trust me. Zero.)

I don’t do much reflection gazing these days because I’m always a little surprised by what I see.

Mom! How did you get there?

So I must’ve looked like fresh meat last month when I found myself ensnared in the clutches of a purveyor of a cream so effective it would take care of all of my aging skin issues – and apparently they are many – plus it would youthify me. The cost: $600. I’d never need Botox, she said. It would take care of under eye bags, this wrinkle, that wrinkle and this line. I escaped but not without having to buy my way out to a lesser degree.

I don’t aspire to be one of those elegant older women who has clearly taken exquisite care of her skin. You know who they are. I expect to look like an older version of me and that’s okay.

But what has my attention these days is my neck. To paraphrase Nora Ephron in I Feel Bad About My Neck, if trees had necks, we wouldn’t have to count the rings.

Two weeks ago, this came: a note to me and my friend Muriel from former colleague Mrs A inquiring about our interest in being guinea pigs for a cream formulated for aging necks.

What do you think? she asked and both Muriel and I replied: Bring. It. On.

At her request we each sent Mrs. A a picture of our necks pre-treatment.

This is mine:

I wish I’d worn a different shirt.

Begin the regime.

Day 1.

Open and apply the cream sample. Apparently it has an almond fragrance but to my nose it’s more agricultural and I’m conscious of smelling like a barn. (Muriel, on the other hand, liked the scent, which goes to show my smell sense is exaggerated.)

My neck smells, I told MrWI64 as I crawled in bed. He rolled over and retreated to his side for the week.

Day 2.

I don’t expect to see a difference, and I don’t.

Day 3.

Linda drops by to see the progress on our kitchen revival.

Can you smell anything? I ask.

She can’t. So I guess it’s just me.

Does my neck look younger?

She doesn’t think so.

Linda’s neck doesn’t show her age.

Day 4.

In researching necks, I found an advertisement for a nonsurgical treatment that could give me Helen Mirren’s neck. I live in hope.

Not my neck. Source: Wikipedia Common

Day 5.

Is it my imagination? Is there a difference?

Will you take a picture of my neck for my blog? I ask MrWI64.

You’re not blogging about your neck!

Is that surprise or disappointment in his tone?

Day 6.

I check in with Muriel about her week of neck rejuvenation.

She’s happy with the result although I suspect hers may be less of a salvage operation.

Day 7.

Hold on.

Maybe it’s the angle, maybe it’s the lighting, but is my neck showing improvement?IMG_7124

I ask MrWI64 who’s pretty much had it with hearing about my neck.

I think maybe it looks tighter, he says.

MrWI64 is no dummy.

Muriel and I send pictures of our necks to Mrs. A.

Hers is noticeably different and Mrs. A is going to use it as an example of the rejuvenating benefits of the cream.

As for me, yes, perhaps there is a difference. But just in case, dear Mrs A is sending  another week’s supply.

Let’s try again.




10 Comments Add yours

  1. Leslie Lundgren says:

    Oh Gery, why can’t we get back our 36 year old necks and faces with but a wish? Older women and a healthy vanity are essential, not at all optional, at least from the inside view that my lived in face allows. Good on you and keep up the wonderfully delightful blogs. ❤️


    1. Gery Lemon says:

      Yes, dear SS? A strong sense of self is a prerequisite, I think.


  2. LINDA HUGHES says:

    I do see quite a difference in tightness and the volume of skin. Muriels must have been dramatic!Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.


    1. Gery Lemon says:

      Quite a diff for her. Don’t know how long it lasts or if it requires daily creaming.


  3. marilynatlegacytelusnet says:

    Hmmmm! Do not waste your money – some of these deals are hard to get out of. Love you!


    1. Gery Lemon says:

      And I you!


  4. Jayne Beason says:

    Hahaha, too funny! You are a hilarious gal, not to mention brave, for revealing a topic most of us would prefer to avoid in private let alone in a blog :-D. Keep it coming, definitely good to look at these subjects from the humorous side (what else can you do without surgery really!).xxx


    1. Gery Lemon says:

      Thanks, pal. WI64’s perspective service.


  5. Pauline James Curtis says:

    You and your neck, pre and post, are adorable. Trust. Me. And all I ever notice is your magnetic and generous smile. Hello!


    1. Gery Lemon says:

      Hello, you! Lvu.


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