(Note: This post will be of zero interest to men. Trust me. Zero.)
I don’t do much reflection gazing these days because I’m always a little surprised by what I see.
Mom! How did you get there?
So I must’ve looked like fresh meat last month when I found myself ensnared in the clutches of a purveyor of a cream so effective it would take care of all of my aging skin issues – and apparently they are many – plus it would youthify me. The cost: $600. I’d never need Botox, she said. It would take care of under eye bags, this wrinkle, that wrinkle and this line. I escaped but not without having to buy my way out to a lesser degree.
I don’t aspire to be one of those elegant older women who has clearly taken exquisite care of her skin. You know who they are. I expect to look like an older version of me and that’s okay.
But what has my attention these days is my neck. To paraphrase Nora Ephron in I Feel Bad About My Neck, if trees had necks, we wouldn’t have to count the rings.
Two weeks ago, this came: a note to me and my friend Muriel from former colleague Mrs A inquiring about our interest in being guinea pigs for a cream formulated for aging necks.
What do you think? she asked and both Muriel and I replied: Bring. It. On.
At her request we each sent Mrs. A a picture of our necks pre-treatment.
This is mine:
Begin the regime.
Open and apply the cream sample. Apparently it has an almond fragrance but to my nose it’s more agricultural and I’m conscious of smelling like a barn. (Muriel, on the other hand, liked the scent, which goes to show my smell sense is exaggerated.)
My neck smells, I told MrWI64 as I crawled in bed. He rolled over and retreated to his side for the week.
I don’t expect to see a difference, and I don’t.
Linda drops by to see the progress on our kitchen revival.
Can you smell anything? I ask.
She can’t. So I guess it’s just me.
Does my neck look younger?
She doesn’t think so.
Linda’s neck doesn’t show her age.
In researching necks, I found an advertisement for a nonsurgical treatment that could give me Helen Mirren’s neck. I live in hope.
Is it my imagination? Is there a difference?
Will you take a picture of my neck for my blog? I ask MrWI64.
You’re not blogging about your neck!
Is that surprise or disappointment in his tone?
I check in with Muriel about her week of neck rejuvenation.
She’s happy with the result although I suspect hers may be less of a salvage operation.
Maybe it’s the angle, maybe it’s the lighting, but is my neck showing improvement?
I ask MrWI64 who’s pretty much had it with hearing about my neck.
I think maybe it looks tighter, he says.
MrWI64 is no dummy.
Muriel and I send pictures of our necks to Mrs. A.
Hers is noticeably different and Mrs. A is going to use it as an example of the rejuvenating benefits of the cream.
As for me, yes, perhaps there is a difference. But just in case, dear Mrs A is sending another week’s supply.
Let’s try again.